


Muscle Memory

by anonymous_sibyl



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Community: tww_minis, F/M, Sorkinverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-15
Updated: 2007-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sibyl/pseuds/anonymous_sibyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What's it going to be, Tobias? You going to walk away, too?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Muscle Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mitfordgal](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mitfordgal).



> Post-Drought Conditions. Written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/tww_minis/profile)[**tww_minis**](http://community.livejournal.com/tww_minis/) Round 8 (Toby), for [](http://mitfordgal.livejournal.com/profile)[**mitfordgal**](http://mitfordgal.livejournal.com/). Thanks to [](http://soaked-in-stars.livejournal.com/profile)[**soaked_in_stars**](http://soaked-in-stars.livejournal.com/) for the beta.
> 
> This work is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/). None of the media or characters written about in my fanfiction belong to me and I make no profit from these works. 

**CJ**

She believes in muscle memory. It's another kind of learning, a more solid kind that sinks through flesh and around bone and makes itself a part of everything you are. It's not treacherous like regular memory; it doesn't fade away with age. She knows muscle memory is real because she knows every inch of the West Wing with her feet, knows where the floors rise and settle and knows which corner gets overly waxed every Thursday morning. She could walk the building in her sleep. She nearly has.

Toby is muscle memory to her. She knows the ins and outs of him, not by rote or by study, but by instinct. He exists in her hands and her heart. He has scowled at that, gently mocked her poetic turn of phrase and told her that she exists in his mind because that is where all real and important things live, nestled close to the words he treasures so much. He doesn't understand that even words are fleeting.

"Well." She kicks off her shoes and rubs her fingers through her hair. "The first thing we're going to do is wash that scratch."

"It's not necessary."

"Of course it is. You never know where Josh has been." She uses words to distract him while she lets her hands play over his face, remembering how many other times she's touched him this casually and never thought anything of it. "We should probably get you a rabies shot."

"He didn't bite me."

"One never knows with Josh."

"No. One doesn't." He shakes his head and pushes her hands away. "Stop. I'm fine."

He was. Out of everyone she knows and works with, Toby is the one she considers physically strongest. It's as if he is indestructible, his innate crotchetiness staving off all illnesses and ailments.

"So," she says, curling her legs under her as she sits. "What now, Toby?"

"What is there?"

"Well, there's how you got into a slapfight with your best friend because you think he betrayed you the same way your brother did."

"That's enough, CJ."

"Yeah, it is." She ignores his scowl and keeps going, muscle memory guiding her where her mind says not to tread. "What's it going to be, Tobias? You going to walk away, too?"

**Toby**

He doesn't walk away, she does. Right out of his office, back into her job, and away from everything he's going through. He knew it would be that way, knew if he played it just so that she'd concentrate more on his fight with Josh and less on his brother. He knew; he just didn't know he'd care so much when he was left alone.

He can't make this into anything positive, because there's no great and wonderful lesson he can take from his brother throwing away his life. He wants to, though. He wants to turn this into something he can use because maybe then he could sleep at night.

She's awake when he knocks on her door, a stupid thing for someone with her job to be. She lets him in without a word and bobs her head toward the counter where two glasses are sitting out. He wonders if she was expecting him, because she's tidier than that, not the kind of person who leaves glasses out, nor is she the kind of person who ever has time to eat or drink at home.

"So," she says, curling up on her sofa and mimicking her actions of earlier that night. "What now, Toby?"

"I don't know." It's easier to say here than it was in his office with the weight of all he is and does bearing down on him. He feels both more and less like himself here in the dark with her watching him as if he's somehow fragile, as if he might shatter or run away. Maybe he is. Maybe she knows some things better than he does.

"What feels right?" she asks. "Inside you, Toby, what feels right?"

"How the hell should I know, CJ? Do you think something like this happens every day? Am I supposed to know what to do when my brother kills himself because he was afraid to live?!"

He's sorry he shouted, and he starts to say as much but she waves him off. She rarely listens to his objections or apologies. "The heart's a muscle, Toby, it remembers."

"What?"

"I'm saying you know. That somewhere inside of you, you know what's next." She refills his drink, then hers, before settling back down across from him. "So, Tobias, are you going to walk away?"

That's the question, isn't it? Not why did David do what he did, but will he do the same thing? Is it in him to give up and walk away?

"I don't know," he says, and across from him, in the fading dark, CJ nods.


End file.
